Good Morning! It’s 5:30 in the morning and I have to get this down or I’ll forget. I’m hoping maybe Survived Narc can help me interpret this one. I think I already know the answer, but wait! There’s more.
My life is the epitome of “But Wait, There’s More!” The strength of heart and mind that has been required over the years to get through this thing called life has been extraordinary.
I went to bed last night in a great mood, having watched “The Proposal” and laughing with both of my kids and my son’s girlfriend. Earlier in the day, however, I’d had three conversations with men that had brought nothing but sadness and tears, each with an ex. The first was an “I love you, but I can’t be with you until this is over” conversation with the most recent man I’ve told you about. He is, to me, who I’d want to be wrapped up in every day if I could be, but I can’t, so I won’t. In the past three years I’ve learned that I come first. It makes me a better woman and mother if I put those who aren’t my immediate family on the back burner. The second ex is the father of my children. He’s been part of my life for 25 years. We talk every day. Yesterday our talk brought me to tears, because, quite frankly, I carried his burdens and mine for 17 years, especially being a police officer’s wife and he tends to put too much on me as far as discussion goes. I can’t solve his current marital problems being his previous marital problem and I told him so. The third ex I’ve mentioned before, here Toxic, Probablyonly briefly as someone I came together with a few years ago during a period when we both were suffering. I’ve known him since I was young. To say that the situation isn’t fucked up like a soup sandwich would be a lie. I’ve told him many times now that we can only be friends, yet he pushes, I’m stressed and have to push back. He has a wife. I’m not proud of that. They were separated when we became intimate. Now they’re not. Judge not, friends. It’s a tangled web.
So on to my dream. I must preface this with the fact, that as a lifelong insomniac who once went almost 22 days without more than an hour’s sleep per night (it makes you literally psychotic in case you wanted to know) that I take Ambien to sleep. I’ve heard of Ambien dreams but really hadn’t experienced any vivid dreaming until last night.
Here it is:
I was an exorcist of sorts. A regular castor out of demons, ghosts and otherworldly things. This dream was in black and white except for small, weird parts in color like a wedding part and the sinkhole parts. I’d been called by a family to cast out their ghosts and I was good at it. I felt every single spirit in the homes. I felt legitimately terrified during this dream and saw ghosts of all sorts. I was also walking through the house cleansing it and shouting “In the name of Jesus Christ, I repel thee” (there’s a movie line if I’ve ever heard one). There was a family that was haunted and two ladies. They were both old, gigantic houses full of rooms and closets. It’s almost like these were set in the 50’s old South with the dress, cars, and old, rickety homes. In the ladie’s home they were shouting “In the name of Lazarus” but I digress…
These ghosts and what I feel now was a tiny demon disguised as a chubby baby girl (I may have actually said this at one point during parenting 11 or so years ago!) were everywhere. Every corner, every room, every closet was a different entity that I had to cast out. In both scenarios they’d take me to what they perceived as the most haunted areas of their houses and I’d cast those suckers out.
The most vivid ghost of all was that of a tall woman dressed as a 1950’s flight attendant who came out of a closet, floated across the floor right in front of me to the elevator and said she had to go. She was beautiful and ethereal and I couldn’t stop looking at her. I wondered how many years she’d spent her life floating across that floor saying she had to go? It was devastatingly sad.
*I must put an author’s note here that I believe very much in the supernatural. I’ve lived in a haunted home and I am what people like to call “empaths” these days. I take on the feelings of those around me very easily. I have to watch that and fight it or I can get sucked into their sadness. Thanks, therapy!
There was a recurring color scene in both houses. Sinkholes. I was walking, dealing with these ghosts and suddenly the ground would give and sink into the Earth underneath me, barely making it out with my life. Twice this happened, once inside the ladie’s home and the second time in the yard of the family’s home, which sucked my car and the ground beneath my feet into the pool area. The husband of the family was constantly near me, trying to protect me. He had glasses and looked like my friend’s husband Chris. He’s a kind guy so makes sense, but I haven’t seen him in years.
The family was just fucking weird. The wife had this drawn look like she’d had a hard life. She wore an old dress.. A smock really and had a gaggle of children running around. They took me from room to room showing me where the ghosts were, depending on me to set them free. Invoking the name of Jesus, I was helping them one by one. It was the same for the two women.
Let me talk about the baby, though. She was a toddler, really, a fat, chunky little thing who should’ve been adorable but I could see through her. I felt like she was a demon, and she was everywhere. I was chasing her, she was destroying everything in sight like a baby does but the mom and I were exhausted chasing her around.
A strange scene during the dream in color was a wedding that was taking place in front of the family. I was unable to see the bride and groom, but I was observing the family sitting on the couch, the little baby on the mom’s lap glaring at me. They were holding up an old rotary phone so that someone could hear the wedding.
During the very last of the dream the baby toddled outside and was missing. I chased her to a parking lot where a police officer was sitting in a old style police vehicle. He got out to help her and I screamed “Noooooooo!” Guess what, another sink hole sucked him right into the Earth. She grinned at me and I woke up.
HOW FUCKED UP IS THIS DREAM?!?
I need to add that when I woke up I wasn’t scared. My 12 year old daughter was wrapped tightly around me. She is such a sensitive child. I think somehow that baby knew that I needed her snuggles. Rarely does she sleep with me, but to wake up enveloped in my child with her lightly snoring beside me was the best feeling in the world.
I think I know who I am in this dream. I’m the exorcist. The person everyone depends on to solve their problems. I’m also the ghost, always saying “I have to go”. The sinkholes? I think that’s me getting sucked into other people’s problems. The baby? She was just a creepy little thing that nightmares are made of.
The moral of this story? I need to stop being friends with my exes.
Secondly, I may have a promising career in casting out demons. Oh wait… That’s my everyday life.
-THAT Crazy Girl