Back in The Saddle

  
Whelp, that was fast. Another one bites the dust. We settled in, got cozy and BAM! “Country Boy” drops a bomb on me that I seriously could not handle. This was a “run to your nearest safe place” moment for me. We’d been together only a few weeks when I found out something so terrible about him that I ended the relationship. 

I sound like the biggest asshole on the planet for running the other way, but let me at least defend myself for a minute.

I knew him as a kid and graduated with his sister. When I say “kid” I mean it! He’s 10 years younger than me which is creepy as fuck to type. That means when I was graduating he was 8… But I digress.

When you date someone it’s my expectation that we proceed with caution. We slowly learn things about each other when the time is appropriate. “Country Boy” didn’t follow that rule. I had accepted his kids being shoved at me, which made me incredibly uncomfortable. He had them full time so I really couldn’t avoid that. We were all at a festival when I met them but I still don’t respect anyone who puts little hearts through a relationship that isn’t solid or developed. Do NOT throw your kids around from one relationship to the next.

1. It freaks people out. 

2. It’s not cool to involve little people in this game called “dating”

I’d had a bit of excitement and let him know of a situation I was dealing with. It was minute in comparison to what he was about to lay on me.

I am what people today call an “empath”… Sadly, I take on the emotions of those around me. It’s painful and I struggle with separating myself from the pain of others. Being a nurse for all of these years is a bitch when you’re an empath.

I should’ve known something was coming when he said “Let me go in the bedroom and shut the door…” We were on the phone when he said this, mind you, and not face to face. We had been dating TWO weeks…

“Country Boy” proceeds to tell me in great detail about something horrible that happened to him as a child… By someone I knew. I was stunned.

I believe there needs to be a reasonable amount of time in a relationship before you start sharing your innermost thoughts and secrets. What he told me was a secret that most would never speak of to others. It was sad and more than a little devastating to hear. And that’s when I put both hands up and ended it. “Country Boy” couldn’t understand why I was silent after he dropped a seriously fucked up situation in my lap for my empath brain to try and immediately process. I shut down completely on a Tuesday night, saying goodbye to him and knowing I could never wrap my head around this trauma he had endured, not accept it, tolerate it or keep my mouth shut about it. That’s just me. I stand up for the underdog every time, unless it’s your brand new love interest in which you haven’t even gotten to third base with.

If ending this to maintain my own sanity was wrong, I don’t wanna be right. I literally can’t handle this about him. HE did nothing wrong and I made sure he knew that… And then I let him know I needed space.

In the blink of an eye it was over. It was fun while it lasted. Comfortable and safe. Don’t tell people your darkest secrets two weeks into dating them. Wait six months to a year AT LEAST for something like that, for fuck’s sake. 

Too Soon.

-THAT Crazy Girl

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6 thoughts on “Back in The Saddle

  1. I understand where you are coming from. It seems, though, that maybe he felt comfortable with you and felt like that was something he could share. Traumatic things that have happened to someone in childhood can be hard to share with others because it opens them up to rejection and shame, especially of the other person doesn’t take it well. Sounds like you felt like it was too much, too soon? But unless what happened to him was overshadowing the relationship, (i.e.: he wanted you to help him process this trauma) I wonder if it was necessary to cut it off? Just a thought. Either way, do what’s best for you. Sending love

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey honey… I just didn’t know how to help him. There were more reasons than this.. The kids, really. I’m just not ready for any of this. Maybe I’m just of the thought that those things are best explained later on in the relationship. There also is the dynamic of knowing the abuser. I ran. It’s terrible, but I don’t know how to process it, sadly. Maybe because I’m a rape survivor and it brings back horrible memories? I’m not sure why I responded this way. He understood. I just can’t and I feel like a horrible person for it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m sorry it brought up such horrible memories for you. Of course you ran, nobody wants to be reminded of their own trauma. You aren’t a horrible person. It sounds like it was too much, too soon, the kids and then what he shared. You know what you can handle and what you want to handle. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You will find the right guy for you. Lots of love 💙💙

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can understand this completely. On one date I had a guy who told me all about his traumatic childhood. On the first date! Lol.
    I think it may be too much to put on other people, to expect them to be able to handle heavy things early on. The heavy things need a heavy, solid foundation to fall on, which a couple do not have until knowing each other well bit by bit as a couple. I also feel that perhaps he felt comfortable telling you this because he liked you. Hopefully with the next person he will have learned to wait a bit.
    There will be someone else out there who is a bit more “slow”. 🙂 Sorry it didn’t work out! hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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