Ahhhhh the dick pic. Why, oh why, do men feel the need to send photos of their junk to unwitting women like me? Before all of these social media sites and teeny computers in our hands (unless you have an IPad or a Galaxy Note) these were non-existent. At no time thirty years ago did a single man take a Polaroid of his junk and mail it to a woman he’d never met (as far as I know). There used to be a time that CVS wouldn’t develop nudes so I’m PRETTY sure no guys developed low resolution photos of their weiners and sent them on their way.
Things men need to know about sending unsolicited photos of their penises:
1. We send them to all of our friends, and laugh and laugh, then take a nap.
2. We aren’t even as remotely impressed as you are.
3. JUST STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
I have received more pictures of dude’s junk without asking for it in the past five years then I’ve actually seen in real life. I do not understand why a man thinks that before I see his beautiful smile or even his abs that I’d want to see his weiner, up close and personal. In case no one has told you, it’s called “bumping uglies” for a reason.
I have nothing even remotely sexy in my pictures. I don’t have shots of my boobs or butt that would say “Oh, hey! I can’t wait to see your private parts RIGHT THIS SECOND!”
The other thing that grosses me out to no end are feet. If you like sucking toes, that’s all you, friend. For me, feet are for walking and tucking under the covers to avoid monsters under the bed and that’s it. Nothing else. I was a little creeped out on Twitter recently (nothing new… You have to have a thick skin on Twitter to get through the madness) when I got this message:
1. My feet do look pretty damned awesome! Those flip flops were cowhide!
2. That photo is from over 4 years ago.
3. I do not recall putting anything of the like on Twitter.
How do people find this stuff? They are my feet. This message is two days old. I don’t understand the foot fetish thing at all, but he was very sweet about it.
Off I go to check in on my various accounts. I wonder what kind of weirdness I’ll see tonight?