When I fall silent it’s not a good sign. I’m great at expressing how I feel without any filter. If I’m happy, you’ll know it. If I’m mad, you’ll know without question, but when I am stressed to the brink and unable to cope I go silent. I’m a loud person. I’m boisterous and silly. My laugh is like no one else’s in the World. Silent but deadly (the pun isn’t lost on me) is what I am lately.
My dad had a heart attack before Christmas. Yesterday was the day we’d all anxiously been dreading for weeks; he became a member of the “zipper” club and had open heart surgery. I’ve been a nurse way too long not to have known what could’ve happened to my dad… Stroke, becoming a vegetable or death right on the operating table. On top of this, the job I loved was beating me to death. As of last Friday my job was gone, my dad was on his last leg and my life was crumbling around me, relentless in destroying me.
I’ve done more praying in the past six weeks then I’ve done in years. I’ve always been a believer but life gets so busy that you forget that God really is in control.
I went through the past week in a haze, accepting that I no longer had a job, I might lose my dad and figuring out how to hide this from my kids like everything was normal. Then I decided to turn it over to God and ask him to take the stress. He did. I was at peace. I knew I was coming here to be with my family and had the funds to be OK for awhile while I looked for something else.
Wednesday night I got a call at home, late, from my former boss, the Chief of Staff. I didn’t think anything of it, thinking she was likely calling to ask me where something was. She wasn’t. She was calling to offer me my job back. She’d done it for two days and needed me. I was astounded! I’d known I’d done a great job and I didn’t get fired, my contract had ended and I had no fight in me because of my worry for my dad.
I saw God working behind the scenes. I flew in to be with my dad and family and prayed for his surgery. I asked my friends (RL and online) to pray for him and to guide his surgeon. You know what? He came through a four hour surgery in a little over two hours without requiring a heart/lung machine.
To say this week has been one of miracles would be an understatement. I’ve never been a Bible beater, but I’ve always had faith. I’d just drifted far away from the shoreline when it came to truly praying about what I needed God’s help with.
He always, always guides us back to solid ground.
-THAT Crazy Girl