Tonight I was having dinner with one of my girlfriends and we had the unfortunate, yet hilarious experience of hearing and seeing an “Our Time” first date crashing down around us.
If you’re not familiar with “Our Time” it’s online dating for “older” folks. I’m not old enough to join the site, not that I would. I’m a cougar. That’s the honest truth. That’s also mostly why I’m single, because I scare the living shit out of younger guys.
First, I heard her voice. When you hear someone talk you automatically picture what they look like in your mind. I pictured 70, gray hair, carton a day smoker in a muumuu. My friend AC could see the woman and I could not stop laughing. I thought “Surely he called her first, right?” That would’ve been a deal breaker. Voices are deal breakers for me. If a guy looks like Brad Pitt but talks like Carson Kressley he’s out.
I listened to the man’s quiet voice and thought “He’s a patient man!” I pictured him in his late 50’s, handsome and uncomfortable.
As I sipped my beer I heard this woman break every cardinal first date sin:
- She shared her financial crisis
- She shared every medical condition she’s ever had
- She told all about her daughter. In jail. And some domestic violence.
- She got up to go smoke (apparently)
- She revealed she was still married and her husband was in a nursing home
- She never let the poor guy say a word
It should’ve been sad in every way but the more I listened the more I couldn’t stop laughing (I never claimed I wasn’t an asshole).
Their date was wrapping up and I heard her gravelly voice thank him for dinner and cringed. I’ve said those words myself so many times. I even posted on Facebook that I’d offer to meet the poor guy at Chili’s to give him some pointers.
We got up to leave, I turned around and looked and the scenario was switched. She wasn’t an unattractive woman, probably mid-50’s and he was old. I mean 70’s old.
I realized that her voice likely was from smoking, but possibly from a hard life.
I realized I shouldn’t be such a judgemental bitch sometimes.
I also realized that I WILL NOT be on an online dating site when I’m their age, either.
I’ll buy 47 cats before I go through that kind of horror.
I hope they both find what they’re looking for, before it’s too late.
And I hope I do, too.