Hello Old Friends,
It’s been quite awhile since I’ve blogged. The last time I was apparently blissful. We became engaged a year ago. I went through surgery and then in October I almost lost my life. Bilateral pulmonary emboli snuck up on me, a nurse who should’ve known the symptoms. In the ER the medical team was amazed that he drove me and I walked into the ER. The following day another pulmonary embolus presented whilst receiving Lovenox. This was unheard of and the increase in fatality was increased from 25% to 75%. I’ve never been so ill in my life, yet my helicopter fiancée wouldn’t let me be and try to breathe. I remember a horrible argument when he was trying to be attentive that I yelled at him to give me space and get the fuck out of my room. He was devastated.
I went home (to his house to avoid stairs) and tried to recover and return to work. I’ve never experienced rehabilitation until then. I was told it would take a year to recover (I’m still only 7 months out). I never felt at home in his house. I kept my apartment the entire eighteen months (you can calculate $1200 per month) because in my heart I knew this wasn’t right.
In March, the 6th actually, I packed my belongings and my cat and left for good. I hired movers and my friends (mutual friends of his) showed up to help me. He asked for the ring back (gladly- he was classless and still is) and I returned it.
He begged me to come back. He harassed me. He turned back into the needy, classless man child posting horrible things about me on social media. His mother sent me threatening texts.
I blocked them all everywhere and have moved on in the past three months. My son was deployed to the Middle East and is now home on leave for two weeks. It’s almost summertime and I’m planning my parent’s 50th Anniversary in West Virginia where I was born.
The RELIEF I feel is overwhelming. I am happy alone. I am recovering and was given my life back. I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. I refuse to marry a man I had friend zoned for 34 years for a reason. I refuse to carry a man financially and emotionally.
I’m alone without a relationship and I’ve never been happier or healthier. I’m convinced there’s not going to be a happy ending for me. I cried during the Royal Wedding for my own wedding that was never going to happen. I then tucked my tears away, clung to my children, friends and family and just breathed. I’d been given a second chance at life and to breathe and I’m taking it by the balls.
-That Crazy Girl